Thursday, September 3, 2009
QUESTION FROM A READER......
I've become a very generous guy lately. To all my male friends,I'm giving them the gift of your newsletter. To all my females, I'm giving the gift of missing me.
I'm a recovering wuss. I took a few months off of women and worked on my inner game, with great results. I've started talking to new women again, along with old girlfriends. I find that when the c/f (Cocky & Funny) starts rolling, or even just my new found confidence, I often get a lot of compliments. What's the best way to deal with a girl coming out and saying “oh, you're so cute/funny/etc...”? Should I ignore it and keep the c/f going? Should I address it in a cocky way? I'm assuming that graciously accepting the compliment is never the right answer...
What would you say to a girl who compliments you directly? (other than “Do you do third input?”) What would your tone/body language/eye contact be like?
New Hampshire, where men are men, women are few, and sheep are nervous.
You know, this really is a great question.
One of the most important things to understand as a man is what to do when things are WORKING... so you don't SCREW IT UP!
If you use the materials that you're learning from me, you will start to have a magical thing happen more and more often... women will start to do and say things that clearly indicate that they LIKE you.
Sometimes it will be a touch, sometimes a compliment, and sometimes a smile. But these things WILL happen more and more as you get better and better.
I always laugh to myself when I bust a woman's chops really hard, and she laughs and says “You're so funny!” or “You really are good!” etc.
I still shake my head and wonder why the hell it took me so long to figure this stuff out.
But I digress... you know, while I'm digressing, what's with you ending your email with:
“>From New Hampshire, where men are men, women are few, and sheep are nervous.”
This is probably the third or fourth time that I've seen this at the end of an email.
Tell me the truth... do chicks dig this?
You're making me nervous, man. Keep the sheep talk on the DL, OK?
Now, when a woman does something that signals “I like you”, it is VITALLY important that you:
1) Know how to recognize it
2) DON'T do what MOST guys do
3) DO the right thing, and AMPLIFY it
So how can you tell if a woman is doing something that says “I like you”?
Well, it's VERY important to remember that women are far more “subtle” than men (most of the time, that is).
If a man is interested in a woman, you can see it all over his face.
It's usually very obvious.
But women are different.
Women do SMALL things.
A little touch. A sly smile. Sometimes a comment like “You're so cute” (as in your example above).
But then IT'S GONE.
Women always seem to act like they're not quite sure.
They don't send consistent signals that most men can “read”.
And when they DO send signals that are easy to see, most guys respond in a way that makes those signals stop...which makes things even MORE confusing.
Again, women aren't as CONSISTENT as men.
A woman can seem like she's interested one minute, then stand-offish the next.
So rule #1 is:
JUST BECAUSE SHE'S DOING SOMETHING THAT SAYS “I LIKE YOU”,
DON'T THINK THAT IT MEANS “I LIKE YOU NO MATTER WHAT”.
Much better to interpret subtle “I like you” cues as “I like you for a second, but if you start acting like a Wuss Bag or Dumb Ass, it will all be over in an instant”.
Unfortunately for most guys, they take “I like you” signals to mean “You've won my approval, now you can do whatever you want”.
And what do they do? Of course...
They turn into dorks, say or do a few stupid things, and destroy it all.
Oh, how many times I've watched guys (myself included) screw up perfectly good situations because they just didn't get this concept.
Let me give you an example......
Let's say that you're out with a woman, and you've been teasing her, and she smiles and says “I like you”.
A typical “male” response is for a guy to think to himself “OK, I'm in... she digs me” and to get that rush in the head and chest.
Next thing you know, he's acting different.
He's talking about different things.
He's giving compliments.
Next thing you know he is acting different.
And what's the woman thinking while this is all going on? Of course...she's thinking “Uh oh, his cool, calm, interesting personality was just a cover for the secret inner-Wuss that was hiding out, waiting for a little bit of approval from me...
Women KNOW that they're in control of the situation.
Or at least MOST of the time they are... and they THINK that they are even during the
times when they're not.
They're constantly using different kinds of communication to test and “feel out” the situation.
Remember, MOST of the time when you're saying something that you think is nice, charming, and original, it's something that a woman has heard about 47 times that week from other guys.
Us guys act VERY predictably most of the time.
And women know how to tell if you're just another loser who's pretending to be cool... who will turn into an average Wuss at the first sign of attraction from a cute woman.
Think about what I just said.
This is hard for a lot of guys to swallow... but it's the reality of the situation.
There's something that women call “Sexual Tension”.
It's also known as “Chemistry” or “Attraction” as well.
But only WOMEN know it this way.
When you tease a woman, make her laugh, play hard to get with her, act unpredictably, etc. in the right way, you will create this tension.
This is what usually leads to a woman saying something like“You're cute” or “I like you”.
It's the TENSION that makes her FEEL it and SAY it.
In these very special moments, you need to turn the tension UP. Dial it up. AMPLIFY it.
Don't diffuse it all by saying “You're cute yourself” or “I like you, too”. Or by smiling like a jackass wussy dork who has just seen his first rainbow.
This kind of thing RELEASES the tension, and it usually takes that wonderful electric attraction feeling that the woman is feeling and INSTANTLY kills it.
Does this make logical sense?
But it's what happens.
OK, so let's talk about the RIGHT way to handle this type of situation.
Remember when I said that it's the TENSION that makes a woman feel the feelings and make the comments?
And that you need to AMPLIFY it when you're getting a positive response?
Once upon a time, there was a scene in a movie that illustrated this concept PERFECTLY.
In fact, it might be the all-time greatest example of this principle that has ever been recorded on film.
Remember the end of “The Empire Strikes Back” when they were about to put Han Solo into the deep freeze?
Remember when Leia said “I love you”...?
Remember what Han said?
Right, he said... “I know”.
All of the sexual tension that built up in Star Wars and Empire culminated in Leia confessing her love.
And Han says “I know”.
Imagine being Leia. What could be going through her mind at this point?
An answer like this isn't easy to understand. It has all kinds of implications.
It says “I know you love me, because it's been obvious for a longtime...”. But it doesn't let HER know how he feels exactly. It requires consideration. It dials up the tension. It's
By the way, I read that when they were filming that scene Han was supposed to answer “I love you too”, but the director didn't like it. They tried all kinds of things, and in the
end Harrison Ford made up that line on the spot in one of the takes... and they kept it.
By the way, one of the BIG reasons why the newer movies in the Star Wars series suck is because there is no character like Han... think about it. It's all boring, predictable stuff. There's no sexy, arrogant, funny, wildcard personality messing things up.
Like I pointed out after I saw “Attack Of The Clones”, Anakin had to kill an ENTIRE VILLAGE of Sand People just to convince Princess A. that he wasn't a complete and total Wuss.
Would have been so much easier and more entertaining if he would have just had a
Now where was I...?
Oh, yea... amplifying the sexual tension...
If you're out with a woman, and you tease her because she's wearing four inch heels by saying “What's the deal, are you four feet tall without those one?”, and she opens her mouth with the classic “Oh no you didn't” look (smiling of course, with that surprised smile)... and you dial it up to the next level with “Oh, I'm sorry...Four foot three?”... and she hits you on the arm......and then she stops, puts her hand on your arm, and
says “You know, you're funny”......what do you do?
YOU SAY “YEA, I KNOW” - in a serious tone.
Or “Don't try to use compliments to make me like you.
It won't work. Go buy me a drink or something... I prefer gifts and money.”
Or look down at her hand on your arm, lean back slightly, turn your
head, and put your eyebrows together as if to say
“Just WHAT do you think you're doing touching me?!”.
TURN IT UP, my friend!
You TURN UP the tension.
Keep it going.
If you keep amplifying the tension and attraction at each of these wonderful moments, good things will happen.
OK, I have a question.
Want more killer ideas like this one?
What if I told you that there was a place you could go and download an eBook that contained literally DOZENS and DOZENS of great ideas like this one?
Well, there is. Of course, it's my eBook “Double YourDating”. Inside, you'll learn about all of my personal favorite techniques for dealing with all kinds of situations with women.
This might sound a little strange, but I actually read my own book to brush up on concepts, and remind myself of how to handle different situations. It took me a few years to learn, test, refine, and organize all of the awesome techniques that are included, and you'll understand why I speak so highly of it when you go and get a copy.
It's here... you can download it and be reading it in a few minutes.
And while your at it, be sure to sign up for my free newsletter for more great tips:
David DeAngelo is the author of........ “Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should
Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.